If you don't like me enough to say it, then don't look it.

I know I’ve had no boyfriend since birth. And I know it’s only been more than a month since you broke up with your girlfriend. But, hell, this is getting really depressing for me.

When you were with her, I resisted the urge to say bad things about her. I resisted the urge to convince you that she wasn’t meant for you. I just waited. Because somehow I knew you two will fall apart one of these days. And so you did.

Little did I know that you breaking up with her is both the best and worst thing that could happen to me. Obviously, it’s the best because I can finally flirt with you guilt-free. It’s the worst because anybody can flirt with you guilt-free.

Let me just say it. I know you like me. But do you like me enough? Because I think that a guy who’s had three serious relationships would not have a hard time telling a girl that he likes her. He would not say or do sweet things, but make it look like it’s just because he’s friends with the girl. So, I don’t think you like me enough.

You don’t know how much I’m dreading the day you would tell me that you have a new girl in your life. It would really kill me.

So, since I think that you don’t like me enough, I want to be detached. I know that everyone is rooting for us to finally be an item. It was nice at first, but it’s now limiting me. If you don’t want me, then I want to be free from you. I want to know if this is getting somewhere so that if it’s not, I can go back to just treating you as a friend.

I am not brave enough to ask you. I’ve done it to someone once, and it was terrible. I am also not brave enough to lose our friendship. You’re the only guy I’ve ever connected with. I really don’t want to lose that.

But please, if you don’t like me enough to say it, then don’t look it.

How I Almost Broke My Jaw on My First Airplane Ride

I was really excited to get my first ever plane ride of my life. Although this was only a one-hour flight, it was enough to really get me wired at the start of ride.

Until my friend, Moonwalker (not her real name) handed me a gum and told me to chew on it so that my ears would not hurt. Then, it dawned on me. I completely forgot that your ears could hurt when flying. From exaggerated narrations of my drama queen friends, I thought that by hurt they meant really really really hurt.

I generally have a high pain threshold. My dentist concluded this when she was fixing my teeth and noticed I don't complain even when she was doing some really painful stuff. Well, I still feel the pain. I just don't think complaining will help. So when people say my ears will feel pain during an airplane ride, I will still feel that pain and that scared me as hell. I was so scared that after I took the gum from Moonwalker,  I hastily stuffed it into my mouth and began to chew it furiously.

I must have chewed non-stop for about 5 minutes before I noticed Moonwalker wasn't chewing her gum furiously. I said, "So, I don't have to chew continuously all throughout the flight?"

She mumbled, "Nope, you don't have to."

And that was when I began feeling the pain. Not from my ears, but from my jaw. All this time I was worried for my ears, I forgot I have TMJ and had been advised by my dentist (the same one who told me I have high threshold for pain) not to chew or bite hard because it will make my face hurt. In fact she even gave me a mouth guard to prevent me from biting hard when I am asleep. For those who have not seen a mouth guard yet, it kind of looks like this:

Except mine is transparent and I don't wear it in broad daylight. I used to wear it every night until I woke up one night without it and thought for five minutes that I have swallowed it whole. I even began feeling my throat for any mouth-guard-shaped lump. Luckily, I found it somewhere in my bed but eventually decided not to wear it anymore because I might not be able to take the excitement anymore when I lose it again.

Anyway, since I stopped my furious chewing, I was able to save my jaw from further breaking and I was still able to enjoy my first plane ride.

What Every Idiot Employee Should Add to Their Email Template

Yesterday, I sent an email to my boss asking permission to take two days off so I could get as far away from him as possible. Possible - meaning my 23-year-old loser self does not even have a passport until now so I can only as far as Jolo. Anyway, I decided Bohol was far enough and booked a 4-day trip with my friends for the weekend. My email goes like this:

Dear MyBoss (not his real name),

I would like to ask your permission to take two (2) days of vacation leave on June 21-22, 2010.

If approved, I would be traveling during this time period, but I would be glad to assist with any questions via company phone.

Thank you very much for you consideration.

Sincerely,
YourMostAwesomeEmployee (not my real name)

This email was sent to him with all my trust that he will reply promptly with:

Hi MyMostAwesomeEmployee,

Sure. You have done a great job for the whole one year you have been with us so I feel that the least I can do for you is reply with an affirmative email.

YourBoss

Or something of that sort. And since I am easy to please, even something like this would suffice:

Hi MyMostAwesomeEmployee,

Consider yourself permitted or whatever.

YourBoss

With utmost patience, I waited for any form of reply.

But alas, none came. He even took the rest of the day off after lunch. Now, I am in a dilemma of whether I can consider myself permitted or should I understand his non-response to be a silent "Don't you dare."

I knew it. My email should have gone like this:

Dear MyBoss,

I would like to ask your permission to take two (2) days of vacation leave on June 21-22, 2010.

If approved, I would be traveling during this time period, but I would be glad to assist with any questions via company phone.

Thank you very much for you consideration.

Sincerely,
YourMostAwesomeEmployee

PS.
Silence means YES.

Well, this is already spilled milk so I have decided to pack my bags and prepare to meet the suicidal tarsiers of Bohol!

Yipee!

Stocks and the Best Blog Ever

The other day, I was thinking of ways to earn extra cash like any other greedy person. I mean, it was really shocking that my income could not even support my need to buy self-help books on how to become really really rich. There are so so many books on becoming-super-extra-rich-before-50 and I don't know which of them really works so I need to buy ALL of those books. By ALL, I mean those that have rich-looking people in their front cover or those that have $$$ in bold print. Still, I cannot afford all of them, thus the need for a new $$$-making sideline. However, I am already getting exercise 2-3 times a week so I do not want anymore physical activity. Therefore, I want something I can do while Facebooking.

Anyway, these were my options:

1. Invest on Stocks

Gets high returns but is BORING.

2. Proofread  English Essays by Japanese Students

Gets moderate returns but is SOMEWHAT HILARIOUS.

3. Make the BEST BLOG EVER!

Gets low to no returns but is FRICKIN HILARIOUS.

So, I chose option one and it was really fulfilling.

Just kidding. I chose to write the BEST BLOG EVER! Even though I can't really make money off of this. Well, at least this is FRICKIN HILARIOUS. So please support me (not in a child support kind of way but in a follow-my-blog kind of way) so I can continue to buy Robert Kiyosaki books again so I can learn how to be rich and the buy more books on $$$-making and then be even richer and then host a blog contest and then give away a million dollars that you will genuinely have a chance of winning because I don't really have a lot of blog readers. Now, isn't this the BEST BLOG EVER?